Who it works for
The Hologram was never meant to grow quickly or exponentially. We are a post-work project that wants to move and grow at the pace of relationships, and to reject the push by institutions or money to "keep up". We don't want it to feel like capitalist work, we want it to feel like a pool of energy and possibility every time we dip into it. And because we grow and move the organization of the overall project like snails, we had the time to watch and learn many lessons about slow and thorough growth.
Over the past three years we have taught hundreds of formal workshops and courses. We have seen how people do or not pick up the practice, and what the conditions are that make it possible for people to try on the practice instead of seeing it as a sexy concept. In 2020 when we first started teaching online courses, it seemed that asking for help from three friends or acquaintances was an obstacle that most people would not surmount, simply because it was not worth the risk of exposure or rejection. For some people, it has taken three years of attending workshops and events to finally try it themselves. Because the uptake is so slow, it has been quite mysterious to figure out how to pass on the practice in a meaningful way that will stick.
When we teach a workshop for 15 people, usually at most 1-2 pick up the practice (that we know of) over the coming year. It is hard to tell what happens after 2 or 3 years in many cases. And then there are more casual workshops between friends, where someone who has a hologram helps others around them set theirs up. This works much more effectively, but is not a guarantee that it will stick. In general it seemed like it worked best hosting online courses when there was a pandemic, a long winter or an emergency that left people who have computers, internet and homes with time alone inside. We have also recently learned that offering regular weekly one off hologram sessions in person in Berlin is another way to help people go through their first session (or sessions) with strangers and know from that experience who they would like to invite into their hologram based on the kind of dynamic they want to experience.
For each of the people in the group discussion, most people mentioned that one of the more mysterious parts of the hologram practice is setting up support for the three people who are in their triangle. Several of the people in the meeting have long term holograms where a number of their triangle members have not yet set up their triangles yet after a few years, even when the triangles say they intend to and want to. What holds people back from the practice?
One friend in the meeting had a proposal, that The Hologram is a project that is easiest for organizers to pick up and practice. "I think one of the reasons possibly why people don't make that move into getting their triangle is partly the mental block around administration. It's a lot of work to organize four people to go to a room at any one time. And I think a lot of people aren't very good at it, it's not part of their daily lives. So this is a care system that works really well for organizers and people who aren't afraid to invite people to a meeting. But that isn't a skill set that everyone has. And then you add another layer on that is that it's hard to ask when you're feeling insecure, vulnerable, and maybe you hate everyone."
After this was brought up, most of us agreed that we are ourselves all organizers. From my view, most of us were already engaged with some kind of social organizing three years ago. I heard in this conversation that in some ways, The Hologram helped some of us to become better organizers. Here is a very interesting reflection about how the hologram practice helped one person to feel differently as an organizer, and to trust group work: “I think it's really helped me to be brave at trusting a group of people. A lot of my work is as a facilitator, and having seen so many times, how if you chuck together a group of people, even if they've never met before, as long as there's like a framework of how to work, that I really trust that the group to be able to hold even if it's really difficult. Working with The Hologram has really made me trust the room to deal with shit whatever comes up.”
There was also a general pattern among some of us self identified organizers, that we feel like we can enter more difficult spaces and feel confident that they have a tool to offer if shit gets difficult for someone, “it's really helped me to feel hopeful. Before the hologram I'd be like, well, that person's having a terrible time, and they're probably just gonna be destroyed now, and there's nothing I can do. And now I've always got this secret weapon in my back pocket at work. I can offer that we've got this tool and I trust that it's gonna help and I've never seen it not help. And that feels really fucking great."
Question asking is our spirituality
Something that I felt in the conversation, which I said as I reflected on the others words, was that I feel that asking questions, and curiosity, has become somewhat of a spirituality for us. This was such an interesting thread, because many people shared how much better they are at inquiring about other people, and learning. One person mentioned a kind of deep patience and will to see what is underneath the stories we are hearing about the world: “I'm more curious for sure, and I think more curious in a very global sense, like with groups that are in conflict with people that are really struggling with difficult global situations. You know, I'm just wondering what's underneath all this. I don't know if you guys know but the world is not particularly curious. Certainly, not here in North America.”
It was also revealed that some people are able to be massively supportive without taking on the responsibility necessary to give advice. When we are a group together, this is so liberating, because we get to be curious and know that we are also seen and wondered about. When we are in other scenarios, it can feel difficult to witness the lack of curiosity that most people exhibit. “I am really quite dissatisfied with the level of incuriosity, like around a whole load of stuff… in some ways actually makes me feel quite lonely, because I really like being with you [refering to the group in the interview]. We wanna see inside stuff, and are curious about what stuff really is, and I find myself sitting around the dinner table wondering how much longer we're gonna be talking about nothing when there's all this really interesting stuff. But the flip side is that maybe it is a bit more lonely to go to parties when you are the only one asking questions…"
And, this observation about being more lonely at parties when you are the only person asking questions was mirrored in almost every person who spoke. “Yeah. So I just, I'm just much more bored at parties where people aren't willing to play in that way.”